New and old friends

     I'm a contradiction myself, always finding myself in awkward situations, then trapped in them, unable to escape. I hate that feeling of being controlled, and I especially dislike him being the one in control. He always thinks that no matter where we go, I'll always follow him, forever under his control. But I change. I hate his unwavering confidence, which makes me unwilling to have any further involvement. I want to prove that I have a reason to move forward, not stay stuck in the same place. I want to tell him that the feeling of getting no response and being disappointed to the point of despair is something he'll never understand. He doesn't understand that feeling, he doesn't understand why I've become so incomprehensible. It's precisely because he doesn't understand that I am who I am now. That long phone call made me realize that tomorrow I've really gone far away, because I can no longer hear any of your swear words, I can no longer hear your delusional confidence. When these things become a thorn in my side, a nerve I can't touch, we can no longer speak with calm, unspoken understanding. Because our breaths have become uneven, that's why every conversation afterward is so tumultuous. Each unpleasant phone call is just an expression of my dissatisfaction. Why do you turn to someone else when I want a response? I'm not better off now; I've just escaped the path you were used to. So we both feel resentful. No one is anyone's savior, and nothing lasts forever. And no one is inherently more noble than the other.