When I grow up

     How many roads must one walk in a lifetime to transform a rugged, muddy path into a smooth, wide highway?

    How many people must one pass through in a lifetime to find one who is willing to grow old with you?

    —Epigraph

    

    Life is always about finding what you want in countless searches, yet also about losing sight of what you once possessed in the process. Knowing that this search is long and arduous, I sometimes hide in my own little world in silence, and often look back at the road I've traveled, seeing all the emotions of that time as equally earth-shattering, and inevitably laugh at my younger, naive self, then sigh with a touch of helplessness: Growth, this thing called growth!

    One day, I suddenly remembered someone's youthful past and wrote a post on social media: "In the winter of 2012, why did my brain feel frozen? I was so stupid that every time I think about it, I want to slap myself. I've never been timid or cowardly, yet at some point, my brain became as muddled as a coward's. Was my brain never distinguishing left from right that year?" A friend asked what stupid thing I did that year. After a moment of hesitation, I vaguely said that I was just too foolish, foolish to an extreme, and thus wasted a long period of what should have been a beautiful time. She didn't press me further about what happened that year, and I didn't say anything either. I just looked at her calmly and replied: "Everyone has that kind of experience. That's called growth. Don't dwell on it, just move forward." I smiled then. Yes, growth, growth, don't dwell on it, just move forward.

    For the past two years, I've thought every day that if I hadn't made that wrong decision, I probably wouldn't have so much regret and resentment. However, it wasn't until I heard your words today that I vaguely realized that I had truly wasted these past two years.

    No one's life is a smooth, uneventful journey. Everyone explores their own path, from childhood to maturity, from stumbling and falling to swift action. Along the way, we pay the price and reap the rewards, experiencing both sadness and joy.

    As we grow up, we learn to face setbacks, to endure them silently, to abandon the past self that was easily defeated, and to cherish this life with its mix of joy and sorrow. We begin to understand that success doesn't come easily, so we force ourselves to be bold and strong, to persevere in pursuing our own lives, even if it means enduring all the heartache and setbacks along the way. Knowing that beauty belongs to you, to me, to us who have fought hard and never given up, then it's all worth it.

    As I grew up, I stopped overanalyzing all my joys, sorrows, and happiness. Knowing the principle that extremes lead to their opposites, and that joy inevitably turns to sorrow, I've always strived to be a woman of moderation—simple, gentle, hoping each day is neither too good nor too bad. Just five points are enough, not a point more, not a point less, that's all. I'll never laugh heartily without restraint again, nor will I cry for no reason. Because I know that happiness and sadness are only temporary; only tranquility and gentleness are the eternal state of happiness.

    Even if I don't know how long the road to success will take, even if I don't know how many people I'll pass by before happiness truly arrives, as long as I live well in the present, peacefully reading and writing, living a slow and unhurried life, that's enough to keep my heart warm as ever.

    I think growth comes at a price. In the innocent years, we are simply happy because we don't understand; in the season of maturity, we experience joy or sorrow due to the accumulation of knowledge and the gradual maturation of our minds. As a child, I longed for growth, believing that adulthood would bring a freer life. Now, I often yearn for that carefree, innocent childhood, a time free from the struggles of survival, untouched by the harsh realities of life and the ravages of time.

    Yet, why am I always so easily captivated by sorrow? Why do we, as adults, harbor so many complaints and dissatisfactions? It's because of too many temptations, too much discontent, too much comparison, and an endless cycle of life and death. We've forgotten how to be happy, how to live joyfully.

    So, I encourage myself, even amidst numerous failures, even when the mundane tasks are not what I want to do, even when I still dislike my work, I still strive with all my might, simply because I know success won't come easily, simply because I know life won't always be as I wish, simply because I keep emphasizing that I must climb mountains to reach the other side of achievement. So we let go of all our sadness and realized how wonderful it would be to make winter as hot, warm, and beautiful as summer. On this day, we couldn't help but smile, and the sunshine illuminated the whole summer.