Suddenly

     Suddenly another year has passed. Many people have changed, some becoming long-lost friends, while two important figures have entered my life. Suddenly, I feel a heavy burden on my shoulders. I can no longer nonchalantly hum that song from my youth.

    My father, who has worked far from home for decades, has returned to his hometown, looking much more haggard and aged, his temper suddenly much gentler. Decades of wandering may have smoothed out his restless heart.

    My younger sister is busy delivering apples on Christmas Eve, buying countless paper boxes. Suddenly, I feel truly old, so old that I've forgotten the days in high school when apples were five yuan each and people lined up to buy them like crazy. Every day, the

    village loudspeaker is announcing that those who deposit money in that private bank should register and petition. I don't know what the outcome will be, but suddenly many people on welfare have produced hundreds of thousands of yuan in invalid savings accounts. Many families have suddenly fallen apart. Suddenly, Wutai is in turmoil.

    I think about walking around, sitting down, and thinking. Suddenly, I feel like I've been slammed onto the beach, and just as I try to struggle, I'm pressed down into the mud. Having witnessed countless gatherings and partings, I no longer care about meaningless gifts. Having seen so much gain and loss, I no longer dwell on unattainable material possessions.

    In the dead of night, I suddenly felt like writing something to record these past few months—it's rambling and disorganized, just a way to console myself.

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