Kunming, that was just a child's dream.

     I remember five years ago, when I was about to leave Kunming, a sense of loss and melancholy lingered on my face, trailing a long shadow behind me as my suitcase dragged along the ground. Saying goodbye to this city, my eyes were filled with a deep, reluctant longing.

    I loved you so deeply, as deeply as I loved the moon over my distant hometown. Four years have passed, and I've grown accustomed to your bustling pace, to the city's oppressive, huddled atmosphere. I love the snowy winters here, the cherry blossoms dancing in the snow, like myself, fragile yet proud. I love the atmosphere emanating from the not-so-spacious buses, a unique scent belonging to this city. I love the boys in the city center playing guitar and singing, and those boys with colorful headscarves riding BMX bikes—that's the city's youth and vitality.

    I'm captivated by the vibrant nightlife under the neon lights, and I equally love the view of the vast, misty Dianchi Lake overlooking from the Western Hills.

    Perhaps I love everything about you. Here, I spent four years of my university life. Here, I learned the last survival skill before entering society. Here, I experienced the most unforgettable love of my life. Here, I tasted the bitterness and hardship of life for the first time. Here, I grew from a boy into a young man.

    It was you who gave me my greatest dream. It was you who allowed me to live as brightly as a child. I was once one of all the dream weavers in your embrace. So, I desperately wanted to stay in this city because I love you, I need you.

    Even though I know that all good things must come to an end. Even though I know that perhaps one day I will return, back to your embrace. Yet, when my efforts for you were in vain, I clearly heard the despairing sigh in my own heart.

    So, at the sorrow of parting, my eyes were filled with tears of heartbreak.

    And today, I have truly returned. Right at your feet, right in your arms.

    The same crowded streets, the same hurried passersby, the same indifferent eyes, the same towering skyscrapers, the same bright and enchanting night. Everything seems to be almost unchanged from five years ago. Your breathing is still so labored and uneasy. Your face is still so weathered yet resolute.

    Kunming, still Kunming, with the domineering air of a provincial capital, arrogantly surveys its surroundings, disdainfully mocking those who come from all directions to pay homage to it.

    This is you, this is all you.

    But I can no longer find myself from five years ago, no longer find the heart that once loved so deeply.

    I can only be certain that my feelings for you are no longer warm, no longer filled with longing. I even feel that every extra day is unbearable. Perhaps, five years ago, I was already lost.

    Your indifference stung me, your prosperity isolated me, your noise left me nowhere to hide. I don't know if I betrayed you or you abandoned me.

    This city I once knew so well has become so strange. In your embrace, I lost my sense of belonging, my sense of security, my sense of direction. How many times have you made me sigh and weep in the silent night?

    Five years is but a fleeting moment for an ancient city. But for a person, it can change so much. Perhaps we are too far apart, strangers to each other. Perhaps we've truly changed, become so materialistic, so heartless. More than half a year has passed since my first day, and I've never loved you again.

    So, when others repeatedly tried to persuade me to stay, I chose to refuse, to leave you. Because you are no longer mine. And I am no longer yours. Our fate was sealed in a past life, so in this life, I met you in the prime of my youth. Our destiny was ended in a past life, so in this life, I missed you in my most rational moment.

    Kunming was once the dream I always pursued. However, five years have passed, and that child has reached his thirties; he no longer has dreams. Even if you are still you, he is no longer him.

    Suddenly, I realize that Kunming was just a child's dream, nothing more.

    Let's break up like lovers. I don't know how much longer I can linger in your arms, nor do I know if I will return someday, back to your embrace. But I know that now, that heart no longer belongs to you; it has gone to a distant place you don't know.