In this life, you owe me a promise.

     I haven't heard from you since we parted. A few days ago, a friend suddenly mentioned that you were gone… I woke up crying helplessly in the night. "Men are not without tears, but they don't shed them at parting." You weren't my whole life, but you were all the brilliance in my life. Life is like the path we walked together, a cluster of unparalleled fireworks, brief yet dazzling. That year when we parted, I never imagined it would be the last time we saw each other. You're gone, to another world, forever separated by life and death. You've left this world's clamor, left this deceitful world, left those who gave you hope only to disappoint you. Perhaps you had no more attachment to this mortal realm, so you smiled and entered heaven, where angels spread their wings and carried you into the embrace of the Virgin Mary. Even

    after the last bloom of the rose has faded, I've always believed you were the violet that bloomed after the last rose, because your uniqueness destined you for an extraordinary path. You walked this world, experiencing quietude, fervor, and tragedy. In September, when the grass grows and the birds sing, and all the flowers wither, I met you in this season, encountering the most beautiful years of my life; and I also missed you in that season, missing the most beautiful legend of my life.

    You bloom quietly, untouched by worldly dust, ethereal and elegant, your fragrance filling the air. I once stubbornly believed that love at first sight was only something from Qiong Yao's novels or Xi Murong's poems, but that afternoon, I realized it wasn't just fiction; that being moved could be so simple. You had just entered university, escaping the constraints of high school, pursuing your curiosity about the adult world and your yearning for a love stronger than gold. You were like a fawn just separated from its mother, happily walking into this world full of unknowns. Meeting you made me your most beautiful vision for the future. I remember you always liked to ask me if my life would be as wonderful as it is now if I hadn't been the one you met that afternoon; if I had been with someone else, would you have been heartbroken; if we hadn't met that afternoon, would we have met on a different path in our lives... So many questions, and I always remained silent. But my silence only made you ask more questions. Maybe this was your way of exploring the future, maybe this was your way of yearning for a fairytale romance, maybe this was your way of treating me. Silence, but I know I am happy. I know I love your whimsical questions; I love the passionate hugs we share every weekend, hugs no one else can give me; I love the sweet scent of your hair when I'm close to you; I love your tearful farewell at the station…

    You always thought that holding hands meant forever, that stopping at the shore meant a lifetime, so you wanted me to imagine what we'd be like growing old together; you wanted me to think about the most romantic things together; you wanted me to reenact our future together again and again; you wanted me to tell you I love you again and again, as you love me; you made promises again and again… I know I was happy at that moment, I once thought the happiest thing was growing old with you in my arms. I am silent because of past wounds, a fear and hesitation about love. I know I can't bear your expectations, I can't support your brilliance, I'm afraid those naive vows will fade away with the passage of time, vows fade into lies, and I'm afraid my lies will become another woman's deepest wound. Unable to stay together forever, it's better to let go and wander separately...

    So, stubbornly, I lived our lives in my own way for sixty days: meeting, falling in love, parting...

    and leaving. Life continues its powerless and painful extension, and emotions continue to drift and wander. Having experienced the vicissitudes of life, I am still like a lone boat sailing in the dark sea. Where is the harbor? Only then did I realize that you had never truly left my heart. I could be happy, joyful, and carefree. I could sing your favorite songs to others, flaunt my happiness, but I knew that beneath the mask, I was always sorrowful, because that place was empty. It belonged to someone, someone who left in that season…

    “Suddenly turning back, I find that person in the dim light…” I turned back, only to see flowers falling in my dreams, but you were gone, forever vanished on the dimly lit shore, instantly swallowed by the crowd. We brushed past each other, life and death like a river, separated at opposite ends. You could see me, I could see you, but the time to cross the river had not yet come. I was powerless to cross, only able to watch. On the other side, I saw your bewildered and desolate eyes, just like on the night of our parting…

    Memories are so painful. I tried to forget, but forgetting is so difficult. When memories become the final wound for two people, passing away might be a relief. Only the one left alone in the memories truly suffers. I will grow old holding onto the memory of you, but time moves so slowly, and growing old seems so far away. Will only the darkness of death allow me to truly forget you…? Time and again, through tear-filled eyes, I recall every little detail of you; it is both solace and punishment. Every detail of your memory is magnified, a mix of pain and happiness. Only now do I understand the heartache in Nalan's poem, "Betting on books to dispel the fragrance of spilled tea, at the time, it seemed so ordinary." What a poignant "at the time, it seemed so ordinary"—ordinary, so very ordinary! Only after losing it do we realize the soul-crushing ordinariness…

    I suddenly remember that night when you stubbornly refused to shed tears, head held high as you left, gazing at the twinkling stars, choking back sobs as you said, "We were both right. Love should end at its most beautiful moment, like fireworks bursting brighter than shooting stars. That kind of memory is what lingers, that kind of beauty is what you sought. You gave me your heart, but you forgot you owed me a promise, a promise for life…"

    I owe you a promise, a promise for life…