Random thoughts about life
In life, some people live by scheming and plotting, some by vying for power and status, and some by diligently striving for a living. "Life?" What is life? The definition of life differs for everyone. Some see life as going to work, coming home, eating, and sleeping. Some see it as eating, drinking, and having fun. Some see it as a single "point" in life. This point in life, I cannot understand. I want to understand it, but I am often swayed, swayed by my own heart. What is my heart swaying? I don't understand. Is it attachment? Is it being unable to let go? I think so! I seem to understand many so-called "grand principles" better than those around me, and I can articulate them eloquently. But! My heart has not truly achieved "letting go." I often want to become a "detached" person; the more I try to glimpse the secrets to eternal happiness, the more I fall into a state of "seeing flowers through a fog," my understanding only deepening my confusion. The principle of emptiness being form, and form being emptiness, seems so simple, yet achieving the state described within is so difficult.
Actually, I'm a persistent person, and even more so, someone who can't let go. I think that's why my heart is so restless right now. There's a saying, "Nothing has moved, only the heart." I'm often swayed by the details of life, though I can't recall the specifics. The clearest memory I have is of thinking about the question of life itself. Whenever I think about this question, I feel very distressed. Why? It's like this: whenever I think about this question, I feel like I'm encountering a difficult problem in school, one I can't solve. Because I can't solve it, I'm troubled; because I'm troubled, I become attached, and that's why I can't let go. Is this just "making trouble for myself"? I don't know! In life, everything comes and goes, goes and comes. Everything is like flowers blooming and fading.
We work hard all our lives, only to end up with nothing. Time flies by, leaving only a process. I know clearly that everyone's life is like a play, and no matter how well it's performed, it ends in death. In this process, we've experienced laughter, pain, tears, and hearty laughter. Some ask if it's worth it? I don't know! I don't know what "worth it" or "not worth it" means. When life isn't going well, I often think, "I'm living such an uncomfortable life." But then I think, that's just how life is; no one can have everything go smoothly. There's freedom, and there's discomfort. The two are inseparable. The more I try to "let go and be free," the more attached I become, the harder it is to let go. Is this also a test from God?
Time flies! Day after day, year after year, it can't be held back. The past seems so vivid, the future seems so clear. Perhaps I shouldn't think too much. Sometimes, being simple and happy is a blessing. Maybe seizing the present is what I want most. Learn to let go of all the clutter in my mind, learn to be free.
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