Holding hands and walking together

     When we parted, I wondered if I would let such a man who had captured my heart slip through my fingers.

    We had known each other for 21 days, but surprisingly, I liked him. I hadn't felt this way in a long time; it came suddenly,

    leaving me somewhat at a loss. At this age, I can't withstand any more storms or trials. Our relationship wouldn't be as impulsive and willful as it was in my youth; it was mixed with many complexities, yet it still moved me. I was actually quite afraid of how I, who had been through a relationship before, and he, who had the same experience, would interact.

    "Do you love me?" I would often ask him, and afterwards, I would laugh at myself. How could I ask such an ignorant question in less than 21 days since we met? "Yes," he answered. I looked at our WeChat chat history and smiled bitterly. It wasn't that I didn't believe the answer, but rather, this kind of question was truly impossible to answer.

    I actually knew the source of my insecurity. Because of my lack of confidence, I kept asking myself ridiculous questions and doing childish things to test his feelings for me.

    He asked if I lacked confidence, and I said no. Actually, I lied. I once believed my love was the purest in the world, that I was the happiest woman in the world, that I was good enough, excellent enough to be by his side. But in the face of betrayal, I was utterly defeated. So, I was afraid. I dared not love, afraid to give, afraid of pain, afraid of being hurt again. This man

    , I'm sure he likes me, a liking mixed with many complex external factors, but I don't mind. Those pure romances are no longer for us now. No one cares about reality, but of course, we must be pragmatic. Looking at his face, holding his hand, I felt a pang of sadness. How long can I hold on like this?

    I've realized there's something really wrong with me. I want to love him so intensely, yet I'm desperately trying to control my feelings. I'm terrified that if this continues, we'll just pass each other by, our paths crossing only to remain parallel.

    Love can be so confusing sometimes. In these moments, I can only do my best to hope we can both be happy. In the limited time we have left, I wish to hold hands and walk together until we grow old!

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